how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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