Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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