I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
