2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
