i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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