I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
