Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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