I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
PANTIES FOUND
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