Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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