Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
