it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
