I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
