The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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