i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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