i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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