just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
