my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i've created a new STD.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
