I wish I only lived at night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
