Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
