It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
