At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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