Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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