he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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