We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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