Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
