What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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