i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
