THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
