so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
