this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
