your room smells of hookers.
And success
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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