Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
