I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
