I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I deserve this hangover.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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