420 ftw
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
