i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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