the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
