wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think a kid would responsible me up
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
