Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
