I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
