I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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