So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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