I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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