wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
