Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
