I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A bitchslap is in order.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
