After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
