Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
