he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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