I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
