So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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