walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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