Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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