I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
