I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
