I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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