fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
