I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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