am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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