i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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