i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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