im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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