It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
