I wish I only lived at night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
