Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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