Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
