I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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