a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize