I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
