I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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